I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
