Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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