I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
