Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
