Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
