I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
