If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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