Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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