Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think your dad took our porno
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
