i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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