i wish starbucks made bloody marys
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
