You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
