Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
