There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
