who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
