It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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