Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
