Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
