Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
