she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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