At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i believe in u and ur pee
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
