There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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