Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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