You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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