my mouth tastes like poor choices
i barfeds in our rink
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
