well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
