Who did Billy Mays play for?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
