Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
