I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
