I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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