my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I love you. Go after that dick
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
