Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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