he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
