i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
