bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
