it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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