Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
