i barfeds in our rink
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
