I must be too annoying 4 u.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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