im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
