Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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