How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
