i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
