She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Randomize
