Ambien. No doubt about it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
