I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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