Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
