I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
