her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
