Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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